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Funny Sardar Jokes With all Due Respect

Sardarji got Pregnant
One Sardarji had some health problem and was advised for urine test. In the morning he puts urine in a bottle and kept iIn the toilet. His wife goes to toilet and by mistake she hits the urine bootle and urine spills. She thought sardarji will get angry, she put her urine in that bottle.

After some time sardarji takes that bottle to lab and gives for testing. In the evening he Goes to collect the report and Is shocked to see the result showing " He Is Pregnant". He comes home and shouts at his wife "Tenu Kinni Vas Keha Mere Upar Na Chadhya Kar, Ai Dekh Report, Mein Pregnant Ho Gaya

Zail Singh on Park

Once Zail singh was relaxing in a park. Some kids playing nearby decided to pull his leg. Walking up to him they asked him, "Sir are you relaxing?" Zail singh replied, "No, I am Zail Singh!" The kids started laughing wildly and ran off. This terribly confused Zail Singh and he decided to check it out. He walked up to a guy who was relaxing on a bench near him and asked, "Are you relaxing?" The man replied, "Yes, why do you ask?" Zail Singh answered with satisfaction, "Then those kids are probably looking for you!"

A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardar orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardar who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"

Punjabi and Bengali patriotism

Punjabi and bengali patriotism
A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters. They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali. "Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same. They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names. The Punjabi was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name. He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".

Salt Seller
Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a Sardar who is running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of salt. "No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a good salt seller."

Marathon Race
One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race. "What the guys are doing" asked the sardar. " We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner. "Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar

30000 kms
A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly. The sardar liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!

Sardar on Air India
One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh.All others will go to Jalandhar."

Great Sardar

1. A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" ( "he picks up the receiver and then says he is not at home" )

2. This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "

3. Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"

Tabiyat kuch teekh nahi

Santa Singh goes to a Udipi hotel to have something to eat. He orders for Masala Dosa.The waiter promptly gets him the dish but is surprised to see that Santa eats only the masalaleaving the dosa behind.

Santa then orders for 1 plate Samosa. this time the waiter notices that Santa eats only the filling and not the shell.Waiter is very curious. Santa next orders for Batata Vada.This time around also Santa eats only the filling and leaves the shell behind.

Waiter loosing his patience walks upto Santa and asks him,"Sirji, aap dish ke under ka hi cheez kyon khaa rahe ho, kya baki cheez pasand nahi aaya..?" Santa Singhsays, "Arre bhaiyya, aisi baat nahi.Hamaari tabiyat kuch teekh nahi isliye doctor ne kaha ki baahar ka cheez mat khaya karo..."

A Sardar Computer Illiterate
True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am
within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's
I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a
show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have
any trademark
on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know
anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because
he couldn't stand it.
The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM
drive as a cup holder,
and snapped it off the drive!

A Sardar in Delhi
He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". The other man said "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

Santa Singh was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes

Die of Hunger
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaoon"

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Two Sardars On A Beach
Santa and Banta were in conversation on the beach. Santa: Praaji, Isse 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ? Banta: Tumhe nahe pata? Santa: Nahe pata. Banta: Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai

Parents achievements
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were boasting of their parents achievements to each other. Santa Singh: Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal? Banta Singh: Yes, I have. Santa Singh: Well, my father dug it. Banta Singh: That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead Sea? Santa Singh: Yes, I have. Banta Singh: Well, my father killed it.

Forgetful Sardar
One day Sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident!!" Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not
married. When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

Sardar in Punjab Mail
Four Sardarji's were waiting on a Railway Platform for the "Punjab Mail". As they were waiting an announcement is made about the train running late by two hours. The train scheduled to start at 10 am will now start at 12 noon. Since there is lots of time to kill the four sardarjis decide to go out into the city to spend the time. When they get back to the station they see "Punjab Mail" just leaving the platform.So sardarjis start running desperately to board the train.. One of them manages to catch the 6th boggie Another got almost the last boggie and the other two got left behind. When the two Sardarji 's who managed to get into the train met
each other in one of the bogies they started laughing uncontrollably. They go on laughing ....laughing ....and laughing. Now the other passengers get bit curious and one of them asked the Sardarji's .... Arre, what's so funny ? Why are you both laughing so madly? One of the Sardarji's managed to reply Actually the two who were supposed to take this train got left
behind......we ...just came to see them off !!!!!!!!!!"

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Best Police Squad
Three police squads, The Scotland Yard police, The NY Police and the Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force ward . The judges lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission. He who captures an adult Lion and brings it back alive in the fastest time will be adjudged the best . First Scotland yard goes into the forest and comes
back in half an hour with a Lion all tied up. Then the NY police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied up lion. Lastly the sardar brigade goes in. 15 minutes, half an hour, one hour goes and no sign of our saradrjis. The judges give up and decide to search for them. They go into the forest. After some searching, they find the sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a tree. The sardarjis have tied up a big bear to a tree and one of them is shouting, "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You are a lion).

Bra Panties
Once a NRI Lady went to Janpan for shopping. She suddenly remembered that she has an important appointment. By chance she was not wearing a watch so she asked a sardar what the time was? The sardar was very patriotic and hated such persons. He replied: "Bra Panties." The lady again asked what the time was. The reply was the same. Then the lady told a person standing nearby the problem. Then the sardar explained, "I am giving you the time. It is barah pantees(12:35)

Mosquito Lullaby
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand.He is very kind and not for the blood shed but
still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

Missing Donket
Having lost his donkey a Sardar got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passer by saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too

Parliament Blast
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off. Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs blast off now". Gani Singh says "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"

Selling the Car
A sardar from Delhi had an old car, which had run for over a 1,00,000 kilometers. He wanted to sell it, but was not getting a good price because of its excess mileage. He approached a friend of his and asked for help. The friend gave him an address in and asked him to visit a mechanic there. The mechanic would adjust the meter so that it shows only 30,000 kilometers. The sardar thanked him and left the place. For a few days, the friend did not see the sardar. He assumed that the sardar had sold the car. A few weeks later, the sardar came to see the friend in the same car. The friend was surprised and asked -"What happened? Why have you not sold your car yet?" The sardar replied - "Why should I? It has run for only
30,000 kilometers.

The Soldier
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from the Pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The Pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito net) He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The Pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His freinds ask him "Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi? In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the Pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya" Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main tho mosquito repellent laga ke gaya tha"!

Answering Machine
A sardarji once took an answering machine home in Punjab and disconnected it within a couple of days because he was getting complaints from his relatives like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ki ghar pe nahin hai"

Last Coach
A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the event, next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway department was"There should not be last coach in any train.""

Long Journey
A Surd was going by train from Delhi to Bombay. He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next station. When the train reached Delhi, the Surd's co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire. The Surd replied that
his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys

Bad Temper
Two men involved in an angry argument. One was burly Sardarji; other a frail Bania. Sardarji who was getting the worst of the argument lost his temper and slapped the Bania. "Did you hit me in anger or did you do it in mazaak (jest)? demanded the Bania.Of course I slapped you in anger, roared the Sardarji. That's all right, replied the Bania, "because I don't like
to be made mazaak (fun) of."

Yes / No Questions
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within
half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour. "But yaar", he says, " I am rechecking my answers."

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